i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
