I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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