i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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