Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
