You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
