Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
