she woke up with a sticky ear
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
