How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
