I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
