I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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