Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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