just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
