The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
