Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
