The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
