I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
