drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
