Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
