FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
