Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
