I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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