She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize