you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
