In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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