i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
