Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
