Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I could fuck to npr.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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