My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
