Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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