When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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