TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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