I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
