Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
