yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
