he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
