Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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