I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
