I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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