what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
