I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
