i think i have herpe
just one?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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