I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
