Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
