You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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