respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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