I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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