his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
