i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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