there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
