Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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