you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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