he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
