then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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