my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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