Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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