He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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